I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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