I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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