He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
