hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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