I wish life had little blips of pornography
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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