Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
