I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize