I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
