His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
