No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
