I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
