I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
