I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
