I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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