I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
