I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize