Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
