They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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