after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The beer is more important than you right now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize