You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
