Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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