note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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