Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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