the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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