end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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