I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize