pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
