I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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