I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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