Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
