oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
