can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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