hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
