Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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