I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
