Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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