Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize