Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
