Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Two words: blizzard sex
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
