lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
