by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
