textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
