You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
