After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
