So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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