Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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