It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
