I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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