Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
A+ Viking dick
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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