wanna go halves on a baby?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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