I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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