Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
