1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
