i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
