She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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