Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize