At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
