i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
