while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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