u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
