I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
