i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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