Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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