If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
